Baby my whole life has changed

If you don’t recognize that above lyric from the hit maker ginuwine, then we can’t be friends.

But really, it has. I live in New York, I have my own apartment and a new job…Did I not mention the job before? Yea. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, in fact I really don’t want to come across that way. I was walking back from brunch the other day with my friend (I know gag me with a spoon) and I saw a homeless man pooping on the side of the street, I could literally smell it from a block away. So yes, I don’t want to sound ungrateful. It’s great that I have a job! Super. Granted its another temp position, but it’s for 8 weeks so it feels like something steady.

I digress.

I have a job, a new apartment, so I guess you could say, my whole life has changed.

Anyways, I gotta go to work…

Missing teeth

My recruiter who finds me temp work is missing a tooth.

Correction several teeth. Please tell me how I, a college educated, internship holding, all teeth having person does not have a job but this man who is missing TEETH, MULTIPLE TEETH HAS A JOB WITH A SALARY AND BENEFITS.

It’s upsetting.

What I’ve learned from temping p1

  1. I’m not about that life
  2. I’d rather stay up late than wake up early
  3. According to the lowest salaried employee everybody’s an asshole
  4. They can also do the job better than their boss
  5. Shredding is a legitimate part of a job description and a great way to waste a day away
  6. 9-5 doesn’t exist. Does anyone remember that show K 9-5 on Animal Planet? where they had stories of working dogs? Like seeing eye dogs, comfort dogs, police dogs etc. They would follow them around during a day and see what they did. Yea, I really though this was going to be my life, what a fucking idiot I was
  7. People don’t have basic phone manners, don’t call the office while you’re in the middle of a conversation with someone else then act surprised when I pick up the phone.
  8. People don’t know how to use buzz in doors. It’s really quite simple, you ring the doorbell, wait for the buzz then open the door.
  9. People who bring their dogs into work and don’t let employees play with them, are evil.

Temping in the city, Day 1

So obviously city life is not, has not (probably will not) ever be as glamorous as I imagined.

Cocktails, cocktail parties and yes cocktail dresses cost money and I sir do not have any income, which had led me to temping aka my equivalent of a get rich (get enough money to pay bills) scheme.

Last week I had the displeasure of working at a law firm for the day, for dignity purpose lets say it rhymed it park & caslapus. These were the jankiest, worst dressed, illest mannered people I’ve ever seen in a professional environment. After hearing one of the paralegals refer to her boss as an “asshole” “douchebag” “idiot” and declaring that he was a “lazy piece of shit” and that “she could run the company much better than he could*”  I decided it was time to head for a lunchtime shopping spree. I found myself in H&M after fighting my way through the thick smog of nuts4nuts and ended up purchasing a simple pair of white, fuzzy mittens.

Sidenote: Does anyone else prefer mittens to gloves? I feel like when you wear gloves your fingers aren’t able to share the warmth that the other one offers and therefore not as superior.

Came back to the office to hear a fight. A legitimate fight going on between the associates, after a few “fucks” and “assholes” were thrown around I was offered a position as their new receptionist. I declined and this morning begin a new temp position at a real estate position…details to come Friday.


* Don’t you hate/wonder when people say “oh yea I came in and totally reworked this place, it runs much better because of me- I could do this job 10x better than the boss” Then why aren’t you the boss? better yet why haven’t you made partner? If you’re so much smarter/more organized/better than your boss then whyyyy are you still answering phones? Exactly.