Review: Recovery

It has now been 1 month, 4 days and 8 hours since my first major surgery, and by major I mean I had to say goodbye to Larry (the right side of my liver) and Tom (my gallbladder). I have since been home recovering and now that I can not only make it through the day without a nap with only one nap, I’ve finally began to realize the true meaning of recovery.

The three R’s of Recovery:
Rest
Relaxation
And watching TV

At first I had a problem with this, “what do you mean I’m supposed to sit around all day and do nothing?”
“You mean it’s ok for me to take high doses of these narcotics?
“You want me to eat all these fatty foods and not exercise or lift anything heavy?”

Ok. Done and done.

Review: Surgery

These are my thoughts on surgery – don’t have it.

I had my first surgical procedure about 3.5 weeks ago and I am still at home recovering, and by recovering I mean struggling. Here’s a few things they don’t tell you before you go under the knife

 

1. Anesthesia fucks with you

Did you enjoy sleeping through the night? Feeling rested in the morning? Rolling out of bed at 10:30 or 11 to start your day? That’s nice, because I did too until I was put under for 3 hours. Granted the first few days I was completely out of it but one thing I do remember is the creeping insomnia. I feel so blessed that I am able to experience literally every hour of the 24 hour day. It’s a real hoot. For example did you know that 4 am darkness is darker than 3am darkness and that at 6am it’s the darkest of all right before the sun begins to rise at 6:30 am!

2. Get ready to rumble!

Did you once eat whatever you wanted with no consequence? could you sleep in any position you wanted? tossing and turning the night away? You can kiss that goodbye. Who knew the human body was so active. You want to sleep on your side? nope. Feeling like a second helping of ice cream? try again. Pizza for breakfast like old times? prepare for the worst heartburn of your life!! Oh and remember when you could eat whatever you wanted because your body ran like a well oiled machine? I’m sure you do, I’m sure you also remember the week and a half you spent in the hospital eating nothing but ice chips, well lets just say your body is going to hang on to every single calorie you put in your mouth as payback. You’re going to feel like you swallowed 5 lbs of cement and you are not going to like it.

3. Legs? What legs?

I miss walking to the kitchen to fix a snack, I miss skipping down the sidewalk, and running to a sale in the mall. Unfortunately my legs don’t to work like that anymore. They will deteriorate, become little, twigs, you’ll lose all your muscle tone and you won’t be able to wear pants…

4. Redbull gives you wiiiings!

Remember when you get sit down on the sofa for a nice TV marathon, get up, fix yourself a snack, get in your car and drive to meet friends for drinks? Yea, that was fun. Do you know how it feels to be out of breath after brushing your teeth? To need a nap after showering? It’s not fun and it makes me feel old.

 

Surgery Sisters

I recently had surgery and I cannot even begin to explain to you how I’m feeling.
It’s like I’m tired for a sleep that I cannot get no matter how long I lay in bed for. Due to this I’ve been quite the tv rat.

Thus far I’ve watched:
Dracula (the original)
American Beauty
Season one of Tyrant
Season four of Pretty Little Liars
Full Metal Jacket
Spirited Away
Casablanca
Some Like it Hot
Half a season of the boondocks
*Two seasons of the Boondocks
*Two seasons of Parenthood
* Shawshank Redemption
* Season one of True Detective
* Citizen Kane

Woof. That’s a lot of television.

*Updated as of September 10th