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Quarantine Show Round-Up – Love Island UK

Yes, this is ONLY for the UK version because I’ve heard the USA version is trash.

For those of you who’ve already tuned in you all know Season 3 is superior to all the others. Chris and Liv, Montana is a gem, Kem is hilarious, Marcel and Gaby and our precious Cam. I dream in British, I’ve started saying crack on, muggy, fancy, and my type ‘on paper’ just to name a few.

So for those of you who don’t have access to basic British television or Hulu plus? (whatever the premium version of Hulu is you are seriously missing out. This show is like a “Too Hot too Handle” original with full blown sex and 50 episodes. I’d describe it as a cross between Married at First Sight, 90 Day Fiancé. Essentially a bunch of “attractive by British standards” people, they are forced to couple up on first sight and for the next 50ish days? people come in and out of the villa, couple up, there are challenges, the public votes and the winner gets 50,000 pounds.

Some of the challenges include: Covering your partner in lipstick kisses, seeing if you and your partner can eat a hotdog at the same time, making cocktails by passing liquid through each others mouths, you know… wholesome things like that.

I will say the narrator is literally the funniest, the comments he makes on the show and the people are fucking hilarious, the producers are genius, the way they piece together the show and manage to make an hour long episode out of one day at the villa. *chefs kiss*. Like they’ve managed to make an entire show with a group of people who sit around, chat, drink and play random games all day is astonishing. Not to mention they are in swimsuits all day (hello yeast infection), get into full glam every night, have no TV, no cellphones, no contact with the outside world whatsoever!?

Just watch it, trust me. It’s quality TV.

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Quarantine Show Round-up – What we do in the Shadows

For fans of Twilight (the BOOKS NOT THE FUCKING HORRIBLE ASS MOVIES), Dracula and Let the Right one in (if you know what last one is, dm me @theshadeistooreal) What we do in the Shadows is amazing. Not to give too much away but it’s a documentary style comedy on FX about a group of Vampires who live in Staten Island.

I know that sounds super fucking weird, and it is and that’s what makes it so wonderful. The show centers around Nandor the Relentess, Nadja, Laszlo, Colin Robinson and Guillermo the familiar.

Slight sidenote please look at the transformation for the actor who plays Nandor because he is a fox.

So it’s kind of a hard show to explain but its a mockumentary style show and just follows around their shenanigans. Laszlo and Nadja are in a relationship. Nandor is essentially the oldest and head of the household and despite being a conquerer and being known for slaughtering villages of people he is the sweetest of the bunch. Colin Robinson is an energy vampire aka he sucks the life out of people by being so boring. He’s honestly my least favorite character and at one point it seemed like they were going to kill him off the show and tbh I’m kind of upset that they didn’t. He seems like a very useless character and just in general plays a boring white bald man.

Guillermo is a familiar, which is a human who lives with the vampires who like helps protect them during the day time and runs errands for them and also helps them do normal things like using a computer, running to the drugstore etc. Him and Nandor have the closest relationship even though Nandor can treat him like shit sometimes. Guillermo wants to be a vampire despite having Van Helsing ancestry and is unusually skilled at taking them down. Anyways the show is super weird, the accents that they all have are so fucking funny like I could literally watch this show all day and not get bored, I actually have this issue with shows that are only 30 minutes long because I knock them off so quickly. Like give me a week, I’ll watch two episodes a night and be done in 5 days! It’s pretty annoying. I truly wonder why shows with such huge followings (ie Insecure) with hard core fan bases who demand longer episodes don’t make them longer? Anyways, I’ll be reviewing Insecure sometime soon so stay tuned!

This wasn’t as great as the other reviews, but it’s honestly such a hard show to explain, you guys will just have to watch and learn more.

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Quarantine Show Round-up

Since everybody (including myself) keeps talking about Corona like it’s over I thought I’d provide you with some great quarantine shows to help you pass the time. I know this is a totally original idea and there are no other lists out there so you’re welcome in advance.

First up in Bravo.

So I know this isn’t a TV show but rather a network but I’ll say this you could literally spend an entire 2 month long stay at home order watching Bravo. I’m pretty sure this is what I first did especially because they were re-running all of their classics like NYC Prep and Gallery Girls.

I started off by watching Real Housewives of Atlanta which can we all just agree is probably one of the best/trashiest shows ever? I mean the fact that there was a rumor going around at one point that Kandi – who mind you- doesn’t even drink wanted to drug Porsha and keep her in her basement is hilarious. Especially considering the fact that Porsha looks like a sex doll and has the IQ of one too. Meanwhile Kandi is the only housewife with any actual real money or statues. Anyways that was Season.. I actually don’t know but I think it was the season that Pheadra got kicked off because she’s the one that started the rumor. To be honest I’m surprised Andy made her leave because if there’s one thing I’m sure he likes its drama that brings in viewers. Ok back to my point, the Real Housewives is first on the list because it’s honestly a 10/10 when it comes to Bravo shows, it features an all black cast with the exception of Kim Z on the first few season, the women’s wigs and makeup are CONSTANTLY on point. Like I know the Beverly Hills bitches have money but honestly no cast dresses better than Atlanta, no cast is more relevant than Atlanta and no one has more drama. I mean Phaedra’s husband was locked up for tax evasion? Kenya’s window was kicked in by her fake boyfriend and she married a man with a nose ring a season later. We got to see the full on launch of a fake clothing brand “She by Sheree”, we saw the evolution of Nene’s wig, we watched Kandi find love and we got to see Porsha think that the underground railroad was a real thing. Trust me, if you’re looking for something to fill your time. This is it. Start with Season one and just keep watching. If anything be blessed by the presence of Cynthia Bailey the most beautiful women on earth and Eva Marcille in a close second place.

You’re welcome.

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SAD and the Verilux Hero

I need to write a review about the Verilux Happy Light because this little shit has saved my whole entire life.

I swear I was ready to throw myself in front of an express 2 train the other day and I couldn’t figure out why, then I remembered it was officially the winter solstice aka my weak season. See I suffer from something called SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder. Basically i get reaaaaalllllyyyyy down and out during the winter, colder months.  For this reason I DREAD fall because I know (in the words of John Snow) winter is coming and I really lose it.

Enter my sunlight, while I wish I was getting paid or some sort of promotion to write this, I am not and had to fork out $37.16 for my Verilux Happy Light, but let me tell you it’s worth every penny. The instructions say you’re supposed to sit with it a few feet away from your face for 20-30 minutes. I however, being the little rule breaker I am sit with it 3 inches away from my face for at LEAST 45 minutes. After 20 I feel good and after 30 I feel like I could run a marathon (I would never though) and at 45 I’ve peaked. I usually like to pair the sunlight with another soothing activity like watching tv, coloring my adult coloring book or talking to on the phone (it’s hard to eat – my favorite activity – and lay down with a light shining in your face, and yes I’ve tried).

The point is, if you feel sadder than usual in the winter and you dread the cold weather and sun setting early, skip brunch this weekend and put $40 towards a sunlight, don’t be ashamed and know that you’re not the only one. This shit is seriously out here saving lives.

 

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Parque Tayrona

Word to the wise. If you’re in Colombia and have an extra 2 days it’s worth going to Tayrona National Park in Santa Marta. Go with a tour company and get ready for some of the most beautiful beaches you’ve ever seen and a bumpy ass 2 hour ride.

Word to the thirsty: charge your phones , the thirst traps are A1

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The Hamptons

So my thoughts on the Hamptons now that my weekend is coming to a close.

I would never come here on my own accord – coming with someone who already has a plan or a trip is great (aka me mooching off my roommates work trip). I say this because the Hamptons is oddly exclusive and weird. Everything is far apart (except for in Montauk where Uber’s are $10 no matter where you go). Side note for a tangent Uber’s here are so fucking expensive. Literally it costs almost the same to go to a different town 20 minutes away and to uber back to the city wtf.

Anyways it’s very vanilla here if you catch my drift and it’s gets a little old. An issue I have with all northeastern places is the beaches are shit. Not to sound spoiled but once you’ve been to any beach south of the mason Dixon you can’t go back. The food however is bomb af, service is great (you get what you pay for) there’s not a ton of hotels and there all kind of old ish and not super nice, like if you paid the same amount for a hotel here as you would in the city you’d be in an executive suite. ALSO there are too many kids here.

Overall I give it a 4/10.

Also look at this awesome photo of my solo breakfast the other day.

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Review: Cuba

Before we get into the photos (and yes there are a lot of them) let me answer a few questions.

Yes,all of the cars are like that, I maybe saw 5 that were modern

No, your cellphone will not work AT ALL

Yes, they like Americans, it’s our government they don’t like (neither do I so it’s cool)

No, you’re fine, I went with my 3 girl cousins and we walked around at night by ourselves

Yes, it’s cheap AF and the food and drinks are delicious, my whole trip was maybe $1k including flights, air bnb, food, activities, taxis (and we ate at the most expensive restaurants)

No, your credit cards will not work AT ALL

Yes, the majority of the people speak Spanish and a little bit of english but really try and know some Spanish before you go, it’ll make your whole trip easier.

No, it’s not hard to enter the country, don’t let the press fool you

Yes, they love Che and do have some issues with Castro (who doesn’t)

No, you shouldn’t judge anything about the country, place or the people until you visit, and not just visit with learn some of the history, talk to the people and really try and have an open mind if you did you might just learn something 🤔

Yes, I went with an open mind and did all of the above and my conclusion? Like always America is the worst 😂

Now for the good stuff.

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Review: Sunday Scaries

No matter how much you love your job, your life, your apartment or the dinner you ate the night before at some point in your life you will experience what we lovingly call the Sunday Scaries. This is when the weight of the weekend, the week before and just life in general begin to weigh on your shoulders and you wonder is it all worth it? Should I just cash in my money, move to Atlanta and become a stripper (not to say stripping isn’t difficult because it damn sure well is).

Now don’t get it twisted the Sunday scaries don’t come every weekend, just after a particularly fun weekend, long weekend, one where you’ve done a lot of shit things, the weather is beautiful, the weather is shitty or just randomly! The point is I had them today for the first time in as long as I can remember and it really had me fucked up. I do a lot of self care things, I eat tasty foods, paint my nails all the time, read self help books, watch all the trashy TV I want etc. so when I get down it startles the fuck out of me and I don’t know what to do.

So today I went for a walk, ate ice cream and am making this blog post to help lift my spirits. I hope none of you ever have to go through the Sunday scaries, and if you do I hope you have a laundry list of things you can do to make yourself feel better.

HAPPY SUNDAY BITCHES.

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Review: Apple Support

SO I just had to write this review at the tender hour of 10:17pm on a Monday night because I was about ready to flush my iPhone down the toilet until I spoke to the lovely Brent over at Apple (also big shout out to the Scottish/Irish man who helped me on Sunday).

Long story short, I got an iPad in 2013 for Christmas (literally besides my Beats headphones this was the best gift I’d ever gotten). I  used it faithfully and merrily for 3 long and luscious years UNTIL January of 2017 when some fucker managed to hack into my iCloud account, change the primary email address and LOCK ME THE FUCK OUT. For 1 long strenuous year I was unable to use my beloved iPad and because the little ho-bag changed my security questions I couldn’t get in. But that all changed today, my sweet father (shout out to you Terry Washington) trekked his black ass up to Maryland, went to the Best Buy in Wheaton (don’t worry he was already up there for business) got my receipt and NOW after 374 long days of pain and suffering I’ve been reunited with my iPad (First World problems, I know). IN MY DEFENSE, I’ve been flying a lot lately (yes I hear how spoiled I sound with every stroke of the keys) and I just started watching this new Spanish telenovela called Velvet. Anyways, Apple Care was SO GOOD TO ME. So helpful even when I couldn’t fully explain myself, and they’re able to like remotely control your computer so that when you’re an idiot like me they can help you out faster.

The point is, I love Apple Care, fuck Android, Steve Jobs forever (only second to Wakanda)