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Quarantine show round up – Married at First Sight

So if you’re unaware what this show is about, try reading and re-reading the title of this post again. Lifetime has really made the jump from overly dramatic movies with titles such as “Death of a Cheerleader, “Escaping my stalker” and “Burning Bed” (a classic) to dramatic TV Shows. The basic premise of the show is that a team of ‘experts’ – not sure why I put that in quotes because they really are professionals go through a pool of men and women and put together 4 to 5 couples. The only thing they know about their spouse is their ring size and the first time they actually lay eyes on them is when they are walking down the aisle.

After they get married they have like one or two days, then they go on their honeymoon (usually in Mexico), the other couples are also there and they sometimes get together for little activities and whatnot. When they come home they immediately move into a neutral space (this is a newt thing, they used to decide who’s house they wanted to move into OR got the decision to move into a neutral space). The experts will sprinkle in little challenges throughout their time together ie. host a dinner with friends and family, a love or sex game, go to the other person house and go through their stuff, etc. Its cure and very curated to foster love ❤

Yes this sounds crazy and personally I would not do this HOWEVER, it makes for fucking great TV. A good amount of the couples are veeerrrryyyy well matched. For example (I don’t know the season numbers) but there was a couple in Washington, DC who was super awkward and weird and they were perfect for each other, there was one in Charlotte that was amazing Deonna and Greg I think their names were? they’re having a child now. I’m currently watching New Orleans and although I’m only a few episodes there’s two couples who I think are very solid. Bennet and Olivia and Woody and his wife (I truly can’t remember her name)**. I LOVE the diversity they have on the show and by diversity I mean a good mix of black and white couples, I’d still like to see some other ethnicities represented but they have at least come this far. I got my parents into the Washington, DC season while I was home and let me just say my mom and I would get chastised for for watching without him.

The experts, pictured below, are the ones that match up the couples, and help council them throughout the process.

Married at First Sight' replaces Jessica Griffin for new season

Dr. Pepper is the little one, Pastor Cal who is my fucking favorite (also a fan and show favorite, legit the couples get so excited to see him) and I think the brunette one is Jessica*** but I also can’t remember.

Anyways I give this show a 10/10, I’m actually watching right now, it’s an awesome way to unwind and I’ve turned on many a friend to this vibe. Plus each season has like a million episodes so you’ll be occupied throughout the rest of quarantine.

** It’s Amani I just looked it up

***Dr. Viviane Cortes it just flashed on the screen

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Quarantine Show Round-Up – Love Island UK

Yes, this is ONLY for the UK version because I’ve heard the USA version is trash.

For those of you who’ve already tuned in you all know Season 3 is superior to all the others. Chris and Liv, Montana is a gem, Kem is hilarious, Marcel and Gaby and our precious Cam. I dream in British, I’ve started saying crack on, muggy, fancy, and my type ‘on paper’ just to name a few.

So for those of you who don’t have access to basic British television or Hulu plus? (whatever the premium version of Hulu is you are seriously missing out. This show is like a “Too Hot too Handle” original with full blown sex and 50 episodes. I’d describe it as a cross between Married at First Sight, 90 Day Fiancé. Essentially a bunch of “attractive by British standards” people, they are forced to couple up on first sight and for the next 50ish days? people come in and out of the villa, couple up, there are challenges, the public votes and the winner gets 50,000 pounds.

Some of the challenges include: Covering your partner in lipstick kisses, seeing if you and your partner can eat a hotdog at the same time, making cocktails by passing liquid through each others mouths, you know… wholesome things like that.

I will say the narrator is literally the funniest, the comments he makes on the show and the people are fucking hilarious, the producers are genius, the way they piece together the show and manage to make an hour long episode out of one day at the villa. *chefs kiss*. Like they’ve managed to make an entire show with a group of people who sit around, chat, drink and play random games all day is astonishing. Not to mention they are in swimsuits all day (hello yeast infection), get into full glam every night, have no TV, no cellphones, no contact with the outside world whatsoever!?

Just watch it, trust me. It’s quality TV.

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Quarantine show round up – Selling Sunset

Do you like beautiful homes? Do you like women who are bleached blonde within an inch of their life and pumped full of plastic? (your body, your choice..but not when it comes to a mask) Do you like extremely staged and made up drama? Do you like 30 year old women who are falling into stereotypical high school roles? If the answer to any of these question is yes then run from your bedroom to your living room, log onto your parents Netflix and tune into Selling Sunset. The trashier, more glamorous and less realistic version of Million Dollar Listings. Bought to you by the creator of Laguna Beach (this could be a lie) Selling Sunset features the private and professional lives of the employees of the Oppenheimer Group run by Jason and Josh? Justin? I legit can’t remember the other guys name. But it’s these two brothers suffering from severe Napoleon syndrome who run this super successful real estate brokerage in L.A.

Due to their Napoleon Syndrome they’ve filled their brokerage with the classic combination of “tall leggy blondes” ie. Christine aka, a walking caricature of a person, a wanna be mean girl, she’s really just a life size sex doll, with overfilled lips and horrible bleached extensions. She’s set up as the mean girl but honestly barely scratches the surface as a mean girl.

The hot “foreign girl” – Maya, a gorgeous Israeli girl who is the voice of reason, a husband who is never shown on the show and one of the brunettes. Chrisell, the “small town girl who want’s to be everyones friend” she’s married to the hot guy from “This is Us” and I think they’re divorced now. Her story of a small town Kentucky girl who came to LA to be an actress? or something along those lines. Honestly she’s a little bored and too nice and polished so we can move on. Mary, is pushed 40, just married a 25 year old frenchman who barely speaks English. All the girls are jealous of her because her and short man #1 aka Jason briefly dated and he gives her a ton of listings. Her and Christine used to be friends but there needed to be some drama so they had a falling out because Christine flung some weak ass insult her way and called her a fucking bitch once.

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Davina is honestly boring and has the face of a robot and is thrown in every one in awhile to support whatever ridiculous rant Christine is on. Amanza aka her name should be Amanda because wtf is on a constant merry go round between taking care of her kids and running late to listing appointments and could also be demoted to guest star. There’s one more blond girl and despite currently watching the show I cannot remember her name. She has a voice that could break glass and a personality to match. She’s currently dating some HGTV star, Tarek? and won’t shut up about it, also a huge secondary star.

Honestly 4/10 would recommend, it’s great background noise but not good for anything else.

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Quarantine show round up – 90 Day Fiancé, Before the 90 Days

For those of you who are fans of 90 Day Fiancé aka the show where Americans meet foreigners and have to marry them within 90 days of them arriving on American soil you know that this was TV’s best kept secret. Ever since Big Ed made his debut hoes has been flocking to TLC (which deserves it’s own post for all the quality TV) to watch all the gems. To be clear there is 90 Day Fiancé, Before the 90 Days (thank you Big Ed), 90 Day’s – Happily Ever After and the subject of this post 90 Day’s the other way.

In summation The other way is just that. The opposite of the OG 90 Day. In this case the American’s move overseas or abroad to be with their significant other, either because of Visa issues, personal things or the person just wanted to stay in their home country, remember people, not everyone want’s to come live in America…

Unfortunately there are only 2 seasons of The Other way out right now and it’s a real shame because this shit right here is on another level. The age gaps are astounding, the areas of the world they travel to are truly out of this world and some of the situations they get themselves into are just absolutely insane. I don’t want to get into any spoilers  (spoilers ahead) but you all just really have to watch. Some of the couples to look out for are Jenny and Sumit, Jenny actually was catfished and when she found out about the catfishing proceeded to form a relationship with her catfisher (is that a word?), Paul and Karine  from S1 who are an entire hot ass mess and apparently a fan favorite because they’ve managed to jump from Before the 90 days, to 90 day’s the other way and slither their way into 90 Days Happily ever after. Karine lives in an actual tiki hut off the amazon river in Brazil and Paul, bless his soul, is told by his doctor to put a condom on before traveling so no snakes crawl up his urethra..

Evelin and Corey which is a real trainwreck given the fact that Evelin could not care less about Corey. He legit moves to Ecuador and this is her face when he arrives

Screen Shot 2020-08-09 at 4.34.33 PM I mean ahahahaha.

She also makes it clear that she needs to marry Corey within a month of him getting there but she has no desire to get married at all. Tiffany and Ronald are pretty boring but she does get pregnant pretty soon after arriving to South Africa despite Ronald getting out of AA the day after her arrival then promptly going out and getting shitfaced at his bachelor party. Devean and Jihon are very interesting because she got pregnant the first time she met him and decided to move to Korea to be with him. Like any logical man, Jihoon didn’t save money or get them an apartment because “he didn’t take the relationship seriously because it was long distance” despite the fact that Devean had his whole ass baby and sold everything to move to Korea.

Honey, it’s a mess, it’s real and it’s all on TLC.

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Quarantine Show Round-up

Since everybody (including myself) keeps talking about Corona like it’s over I thought I’d provide you with some great quarantine shows to help you pass the time. I know this is a totally original idea and there are no other lists out there so you’re welcome in advance.

First up in Bravo.

So I know this isn’t a TV show but rather a network but I’ll say this you could literally spend an entire 2 month long stay at home order watching Bravo. I’m pretty sure this is what I first did especially because they were re-running all of their classics like NYC Prep and Gallery Girls.

I started off by watching Real Housewives of Atlanta which can we all just agree is probably one of the best/trashiest shows ever? I mean the fact that there was a rumor going around at one point that Kandi – who mind you- doesn’t even drink wanted to drug Porsha and keep her in her basement is hilarious. Especially considering the fact that Porsha looks like a sex doll and has the IQ of one too. Meanwhile Kandi is the only housewife with any actual real money or statues. Anyways that was Season.. I actually don’t know but I think it was the season that Pheadra got kicked off because she’s the one that started the rumor. To be honest I’m surprised Andy made her leave because if there’s one thing I’m sure he likes its drama that brings in viewers. Ok back to my point, the Real Housewives is first on the list because it’s honestly a 10/10 when it comes to Bravo shows, it features an all black cast with the exception of Kim Z on the first few season, the women’s wigs and makeup are CONSTANTLY on point. Like I know the Beverly Hills bitches have money but honestly no cast dresses better than Atlanta, no cast is more relevant than Atlanta and no one has more drama. I mean Phaedra’s husband was locked up for tax evasion? Kenya’s window was kicked in by her fake boyfriend and she married a man with a nose ring a season later. We got to see the full on launch of a fake clothing brand “She by Sheree”, we saw the evolution of Nene’s wig, we watched Kandi find love and we got to see Porsha think that the underground railroad was a real thing. Trust me, if you’re looking for something to fill your time. This is it. Start with Season one and just keep watching. If anything be blessed by the presence of Cynthia Bailey the most beautiful women on earth and Eva Marcille in a close second place.

You’re welcome.

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What people say vs. what they mean

Since becoming a real adult – aka moving out of my parents house. I’ve learned a lot about life, specifically about the little white lies they tell about their lives to make it seem like they are doing more than they actually are (I do it all the time)

Por ejemplo

What I say to my family when they ask what I’m doing in New York – ” I’m working with a promotions company and am currently on a six month assignment”

What I actually do –  “For four hours a day 3-5 times a week I pass out stickers to children and watch sports”

More ejemplos

  • I do freelance work
  • I’ve worked on two projects in the last three months and therefore consider myself a freelance artists
  • I have like noooo money
  • I have enough money to go out Thursday, Friday and Saturday but can’t participate in Sunday funday and can only buy one new shirt when we go shopping
  • I totally hate my job, I’m looking for a new one
  • I hate my job but I don’t hate my salary, I’m just going to keep complaining about it and talk about how I have no time to find a new one
  • I would totally hang out but I’m so busy!
  • I have like three new episodes of shahs of sunset on my DVR and two new episodes of Love & Hip-Hop on-demand soooo that’s kind of more important
  • I just have no energy, I’m so drained
  • Re:
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Review: Watching TV

So I’ll be moving in a few weeks and I’m trying to explain to my parents the importance of having a TV in my room.

Watching TV for me is like therapy. For two hours a day, six when I was unemployed, I was transported to another land. A land of Kardashians, Mob Wives and Duck Dynasty. I forgot my troubles of being a 22 year old unemployed college graduate who was in $30,000 worth of debt and no way to pay it back (thanks so mom and dad it’s now down to $27,000, yay!). When you’re watching TV time stands still and it moves forward, your mind is still but it’s also running at 1,000 miles an hour. There’s nothing like snuggling up in bed, fixing yourself a delicious snack, settling into a neck pillow and having a four hour Law and Order: SVU marathon for an entire afternoon.