Temping in the city, Day 1

So obviously city life is not, has not (probably will not) ever be as glamorous as I imagined.

Cocktails, cocktail parties and yes cocktail dresses cost money and I sir do not have any income, which had led me to temping aka my equivalent of a get rich (get enough money to pay bills) scheme.

Last week I had the displeasure of working at a law firm for the day, for dignity purpose lets say it rhymed it park & caslapus. These were the jankiest, worst dressed, illest mannered people I’ve ever seen in a professional environment. After hearing one of the paralegals refer to her boss as an “asshole” “douchebag” “idiot” and declaring that he was a “lazy piece of shit” and that “she could run the company much better than he could*”  I decided it was time to head for a lunchtime shopping spree. I found myself in H&M after fighting my way through the thick smog of nuts4nuts and ended up purchasing a simple pair of white, fuzzy mittens.

Sidenote: Does anyone else prefer mittens to gloves? I feel like when you wear gloves your fingers aren’t able to share the warmth that the other one offers and therefore not as superior.

Came back to the office to hear a fight. A legitimate fight going on between the associates, after a few “fucks” and “assholes” were thrown around I was offered a position as their new receptionist. I declined and this morning begin a new temp position at a real estate position…details to come Friday.


* Don’t you hate/wonder when people say “oh yea I came in and totally reworked this place, it runs much better because of me- I could do this job 10x better than the boss” Then why aren’t you the boss? better yet why haven’t you made partner? If you’re so much smarter/more organized/better than your boss then whyyyy are you still answering phones? Exactly.

6,7, and 8

Okay so after some thought, and a few more unemployed days I’m finally able to complete my list, and yes I added one more.

6) Your apartment will never be perfect. Finding an apartment with no flaws in New York is impossible, unless you have an extra $2,000 a month you’re willing to spend on rent. For example, my apartment has fake walls. Never heard of that, educate yourself.

My apartment happens to be a luxurious 786 sq feet. Think that’s bad? my friends live in a 400 sq foot stunner, no fake walls. Another trio of my buddies lives in a spacious 3 bedroom, only downside? no living room area and no cable. You win some you lose some biddies.

7) Smile at no one. My families from the south, we are a friendly people, we smile and say hello. In DC  it was a common thing to smile and say hello to people on the street when making awkward eye contact with them- a hard thing to avoid seeing as the city was crawling with tourists. Here, the best thing you can do for yourself is investing in the largest blackest pair of sunglasses you can find and perfecting the dodge*

8) You’re gonna have to swallow your pride if you’re not willing to be a slave. By this I mean if you are not in New York working as a finance person working 90 hours a week or someone in PR who works 6 days a week you will have to swallow your pride and work:

  1. In retail
  2. As a temp
  3. Receptionist
  4. Someone’s assistant
  5. Some other position where you work a million hours and get paid nothing

Today’s lesson has been concluded- go forth and be fruitful.

*Anyone whose gone to college knows what I’m talking about. This is where you see someone you recognize, make eye contact, then look away quickly pretending like you didn’t just see them.

I was told today that my nail polish was too bright to work in finance.

I’m flattered.