Review: Interviewing

I’ve been interviewing for a new job and its really bringing back old memories of my former hustle Now that I’m older and so much wiser its really hard for me to not answer these interview questions honestly.

What are my weaknesses? Consistently being 1-9 minutes late (never more than 10, that would be unprofessional). Strengths include being able to look like I’m actually doing work when in reality I’m watching Real Housewives of Atlanta. What would I bring to the team? A level of profanity previously unheard of in the work environment and a very impressive snack drawer when my co-workers blood sugar starts to drop a little low. In the next 5 years I see myself on a yacht showering in Dom and playing with my baby liger.

image1 (my snack drawer, I wasn’t lying)

Work Chronicoles

Everybody loves the guy who sits next to me.

I find him to be incredibly corny, annoying and a general suck up. I mean who says their favorite food is foie gras  in a staff meeting? wtf is that anyway? Just be like ‘yo I like pasta’ or whatever.

Fingers crossed he gets moved soon, before I accidentally spill hot chocolate on his face

What I’ve learned from temping p1

  1. I’m not about that life
  2. I’d rather stay up late than wake up early
  3. According to the lowest salaried employee everybody’s an asshole
  4. They can also do the job better than their boss
  5. Shredding is a legitimate part of a job description and a great way to waste a day away
  6. 9-5 doesn’t exist. Does anyone remember that show K 9-5 on Animal Planet? where they had stories of working dogs? Like seeing eye dogs, comfort dogs, police dogs etc. They would follow them around during a day and see what they did. Yea, I really though this was going to be my life, what a fucking idiot I was
  7. People don’t have basic phone manners, don’t call the office while you’re in the middle of a conversation with someone else then act surprised when I pick up the phone.
  8. People don’t know how to use buzz in doors. It’s really quite simple, you ring the doorbell, wait for the buzz then open the door.
  9. People who bring their dogs into work and don’t let employees play with them, are evil.

Review: Hating your job

The only thing I hate more than the senseless and heartless killing of dolphins off of the Japanese coast is my job. Hating your job is a full-time job, besides the job you have. It’s truly exhausting to spend 8 hours a day doing something you hate, and by doing something you hate I mean not doing anything at all. I didn’t spend four years in high school and another four years in college to deliver your mail for an hour in the morning and then sit around for another seven. I also did not spend [my parents did not spend] over $100,000 on my education just to I could make $10/hr and not be able to live on my own (and not be able to pay back my loans…sorry mom). I don’t mean to sound ungrateful because I know these days a job is hard to come by, but honestly. I REALLY hate my job.

Review: Small Talk

This isn’t so much a review about small talk, but rather a review about the phrase “so what have you been up to?”
I really hate this, because this is one of those phrases like ” what’s up?” or ” how are you?”, the person asking doesn’t really care to know the answer, but since you asked.
Here it is:
You really want to know hat I’ve been up to? I haven’t been up to much lately, mostly because I never go out, why is that you ask? Well I don’t really have any money, and I live at home. The past few days have been pretty hectic for me you know between playing with my dog, watching TV, and painting my nails so I really haven’t made it out the house much. Sometimes I go on the restoration hardware website and dream about what sofas I would buy for my house. I even have a special folder dedicated to future home decorating ideas that I update quite frequently so that’s another thing I do. I’ve also recently started doing Pilates with my mom to get that perfect beach body! You know since I love the beach so much. I also usually dedicate at least 8-10 hours to sleeping so, that takes up a lot of my time. You know what else I do? Whenever I come to work I purposely take the stairs or an alternate route when I heard your voice so I can avoid that dreaded question, “what have you been up to?”