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A Word on….

Trauma.

There are typically two types of trauma we speak of in the therapy world, big T and little t trauma (although people have debates on this language).

When we think of trauma we think of it in two categories (this is a little old school but alas, it’s what we’re taught).

  • Big life events, ie. car crash, a natural disaster, war, an accident, a violent event etc
  • Long term low level stressful happenings; ie. living in poverty and not knowing where your next meal will come from, existing as a minority having racist things said to you, being followed around a store, getting bullied in school and not having any friends.

Both are bad, both affect people, both have long lasting harmful effects. One can be commonly diagnosed as PTSD (what war veterans are typically diagnosed with). When you are diagnosed with PTSD it means that you life, or bodily integrity was threatened. It means that you could’ve died, perhaps you were close to dying or almost died. Additionally it means that your life moving forward has been affected, so maybe you have nightmares about the event, maybe you avoid certain situations that remind you of the event, maybe you were never the same. For example, I was scrolling on instagram the other day and saw this girls profile who survived the White Island Volcano blast – I got lost in a rabbit hole. Its fascinating and I won’t go into it but trust me it’s crazy. Anyways, this girl was on a family vacation, this volcano basically erupted and she got burns on over 75% of her body, her dad and sister died and she had to wear a compression garment for 2 years. She has nightmares, her life will never be the same, flashbacks etc. This girl, has PTSD. Her life was threatening, she is not functioning the same as she used to and it was one major event (rather than many smaller ones). I’m really breaking this down for succinctness and clarity (trust me we spent 2, 3 hour classes talking about this) but I hope everyone gets the point.

CPTSD – so this is a newer thing and honestly we haven’t really covered it in school/it’s not officially in the DSM-V (the holy grail of therapy) but like all things mental health there are always new diagnosis being added and taken away so keep a look out for this one esepcially after COVID. But CPTSD would be classified as a little t trauma – lower level, non-threats to your life, but constant and this is the key. So imagine you go to school and every week the school bully does something to you, pushes you down the stairs, steals your library book, makes fun of your clothes in front of other people (yes these are things that have happened to me) for a year. Then you go to high school and for four years every year don’t get asked to a school dance, when all your friends do, don’t get asked on dates, when everyone else does, get told you’re not beautiful, get made fun of for your hair, your clothes, the way you talk, everything (these are a mix of examples). So you can obviously see how being subject to his kind of stuff for 4-7 years could be harmful and while your life wasn’t threatened you definitely when through some turmoil and there’s no way you weren’t affected. Additionally you might still suffer some of the same side effects of PTSD like:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Isolation
  • Sleep disturbance
  • Might turn to substances to cope
  • Shame/guilt/emotional disregulation

So, I hope you guys get the point, but essentially there are two types of trauma, both are bad, in one type your life is threatened, in the other it’s not. However, it doesn’t discount one or the other and both are issues that therapy can help with!

As always comment if you want more deets or info. I hope you guys like the new content 🙂

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The Update

COVID happened, I lost my job and decided to take a pivot so here I am, 2 years into a 3 year Master of Social Work program, ready to embark on a new career as a therapist.

With that being said the blog will take a pivot, a small one but a pivot nonetheless.

  • Mental Health – in the form of my ramblings, cool things I’ve learned in sessions, class, from my supervisor or my grad school friends
  • Self Care (mostly in the form of images…nothings changed here)
  • Tips & Tricks – small and noticeable things you can do to calm yourself (btw I hate journaling, meditation and working out so these will be real things you can do)
  • And of course, the stories everyone has come to know and love, but with a twist!

I decided to keep the name the same because let’s be real, life is a struggle..and even more so in the past 2 years. I haven’t met a single person who is just thriving, and hasn’t been in some form of survival mode. The domain, shameless tales, because if you haven’t read anything on shame and the surrounding conversations with shame, then take a moment, watching some Brene Brown and sit with it. We should live our lives with less, without shame and aware of how it effects us all.

Anyways

Let’s see how this next adventure goes and thanks for tuning in!

Posted on by Shameless Tales

The First Day

So if any of you listen to my podcast (which you should) you’d know that we are starting a 30 day challenge.

Listen Here:

I’ve dedicated myself to writing everyday for 30 days, new posts, new content, new photos, NEW EVERYTHING! This is day one and yes this is probably a cop out because I’m just introducing the challenge but alas. It’s a post.

If you’re new here please feel free to scroll through my posts, catch up on my podcast, comment, like, etc.

THANKS FOR JOINING!

 

 

 

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How To Quit Your Job To Travel The World, Part 1

Follow along as I begin my travels in Spain!!! (and read more of my stuff at 20some.com)

We’ve all been there, sitting in your office, scrolling through Instagram, BuzzFeed, Elite Daily and viewing picture after picture of beautiful people on the beaches of Italy, coliseums of Greece, or the luxurious streets of Paris. The headlines are screaming out at you – “I quit my job to travel! Here’s how I did it” (insert photo of two girls holding up a peace sign with some ninth Wonder of the World in the background). You think, “Wow this can be me too!”

You eagerly open up the article and begin reading, again thinking “Wow, I can totally do this.”

Here’s how they usually go:

“All it takes is a ton of motivation, a strong will and my parents’ credit card! LOL. We searched kayak.com until we found a great deal! Packed a bag and bought a one-way ticket, from there we worked odd jobs (and blogged along the way) and we were able to travel for one year! No steady job! It hasn’t always been easy but we did it!!”

Cool. I’ve basically learned nothing from this article and I still think it’s virtually impossible to quit my job and travel. So, I’m just going to go back to pretending that I understand excel and actually listen during meetings.

Well, despite these unhelpful resources, I retained the desire to quit my job and live abroad. And I’m here to tell you that, after a lot of my own research and preparation, I’m actually about to do it. But unlike these girls on Instagram who sell tea for a living, I’m a real life person with bills and a dad who will not be letting me use his credit card. I’m also here to tell you that it is possible no matter who you are, but it does take a lot if planning, discipline, and motivation (insert peace sign photo here). Here’s how it works:

 

Step 1: Make the decision and start planning.  

My planning actually began over a year ago. Last summer, I decided that I wanted to travel, spend all my money, then come back to “real life” and get my shit together. So, I started saving a little bit of money to do just that. At this point I had no idea what I was going to do or for how long, but my ideal timeline was three months.

After spending a year abroad in Spain during high school, I knew I wanted to go back. I started researching programs that would allow me to go to Spain for three months (since you only need a tourist visa if you are going to a country for this amount of time). I stumbled upon CIEE — a program that a few of my friends had done after high school. There was a 3-month volunteer program for people right outside of Madrid that allows you to stay with a family and volunteer to teach English at a local school! (aka major money saver.)

I decided this was the program for me, since I definitely want to brush up on my Spanish and start out with a solid home base before my travels. As anyone who has traveled abroad before can tell you, it’s pretty easy to move around Europe once you get there. So I figured I would do the program, then spend maybe a month or two traveling.

Solid plan right!? Maybe. I would still basically be without work for 3 to 5 months with little to no income as I mentioned before. So that brings me to…

 

Step 2: Start REALLY saving money.

Even if you don’t know where you want to go, or for how long, or have any solid plans in mind for a program or a path of travel, start saving $100 – $200 per paycheck, any bonuses, tax returns, whatever — just save, save, save. When you have a solid cushion in your savings, purchasing a one-way plane ticket for $400 doesn’t seem quite so scary.

Now, in lieu of writing a 15-page essay of what I did and how I did it, I’ll treat this more like a guide (and advice column of course) as I go and learn how you all can make it work, too. I’m about a month away from my departure date, so things are getting more real than ever, but I’m also here to tell you that anyone can do it.

If you’re feeling the itch, don’t scratch it by going out and shopping. Save your money. Sure it’s hard, you might not get to accept all those brunch invitations or eat out every weekend, but I’m sure when you’re enjoying a croissant in the Swiss Alps (why not?), you’ll be glad you didn’t try to drink 15 mimosas in 30 minutes with your six drunkest, closest friends.