I went to the opera last night with my roommate and it was magical.

There were so many good looking men and bourgeois hoes. The set’s were amazing, like despite the 30 minutes intermissions it was all worth it. The dramatics however were something that I will never forget. It was some real old timey shit and the classic love story was there. Since I couldn’t take photos in the opera I’ll give a quick play by play of what went down.

Basically there’s this princess called Turandot who is Chinese? (yet the opera was in Italian) she’s kind of a big deal and everybody want’s a piece.

She’s like here I am – I’m the best BUT you can’t have me because of some ancient edict or whatever that says you must answer 3 riddles and if you get even one of them wrong I’m gonna kill you, in fact you will be beheaded.

So then this prince Calaf? I think comes along and he’s like yo Turandot, I see you, I like you and I want you, so I’m gonna answer these riddles and you will be MINE.

and she’s like:


So long story short – the 3 wise men or whatever are like on no Calaf don’t do it, nobody has ever won the princesses heart, you will fail and you will be beheaded.

And once again he’s like – ok right I got this.

so once at the palace, the emperor and the princess (Turandot) are like BUT ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS.

and he’s like yes.


So the Turandot asks him 3 questions.

and he’s like hmmmm, I got this.


NOPE. Don’t wanna.

Nope. Don’t make me.

Fuck. I gotta marry this man, this edict is like 10 millions years old and if I don’t my ancestors are gonna be pissed as fuck.

And he’s like, oh wait I’m the princess so I’m gonna make up some other bullshit edict to keep him away from me, lemme come up with a plan real quick. Meanwhile Calaf is like wow this bitch really doesn’t want me.


So he says ok – guess my name and if you get it right then we’ll get married but if you get it wrong then you can kill me.

So this is the part where I got a little confused because he said he would kill himself, but then the towns people were like, oh shit we’re all gonna die unless you tell her your name. Which didn’t make sense, like why would she kill everybody just because she couldn’t guess his name and then Calaf’s love/sister was like I know his name but I’m not going to tell you because I love him? and then she killed herself, but I’m still not sure why because he eventually ended up tell Turandot his name anyways. So after all this went down they were alone in the garden and he’s like fuck this I’m tired of these games I’m ready to dive it so kisses her and she’s like.

yo, I’m yours.

 and he’s like for real? that’s all it took??

and she’s like yea, I’m gonna let you beat it up later

and he’s like don’t play with me Turandot.

And she’s like, do you see this face? no jokes here.



And that was the end.



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