Review: Surgery

These are my thoughts on surgery – don’t have it.

I had my first surgical procedure about 3.5 weeks ago and I am still at home recovering, and by recovering I mean struggling. Here’s a few things they don’t tell you before you go under the knife


1. Anesthesia fucks with you

Did you enjoy sleeping through the night? Feeling rested in the morning? Rolling out of bed at 10:30 or 11 to start your day? That’s nice, because I did too until I was put under for 3 hours. Granted the first few days I was completely out of it but one thing I do remember is the creeping insomnia. I feel so blessed that I am able to experience literally every hour of the 24 hour day. It’s a real hoot. For example did you know that 4 am darkness is darker than 3am darkness and that at 6am it’s the darkest of all right before the sun begins to rise at 6:30 am!

2. Get ready to rumble!

Did you once eat whatever you wanted with no consequence? could you sleep in any position you wanted? tossing and turning the night away? You can kiss that goodbye. Who knew the human body was so active. You want to sleep on your side? nope. Feeling like a second helping of ice cream? try again. Pizza for breakfast like old times? prepare for the worst heartburn of your life!! Oh and remember when you could eat whatever you wanted because your body ran like a well oiled machine? I’m sure you do, I’m sure you also remember the week and a half you spent in the hospital eating nothing but ice chips, well lets just say your body is going to hang on to every single calorie you put in your mouth as payback. You’re going to feel like you swallowed 5 lbs of cement and you are not going to like it.

3. Legs? What legs?

I miss walking to the kitchen to fix a snack, I miss skipping down the sidewalk, and running to a sale in the mall. Unfortunately my legs don’t to work like that anymore. They will deteriorate, become little, twigs, you’ll lose all your muscle tone and you won’t be able to wear pants…

4. Redbull gives you wiiiings!

Remember when you get sit down on the sofa for a nice TV marathon, get up, fix yourself a snack, get in your car and drive to meet friends for drinks? Yea, that was fun. Do you know how it feels to be out of breath after brushing your teeth? To need a nap after showering? It’s not fun and it makes me feel old.


On Nov. 28, 2012, not a single murder, shooting, stabbing, or other incident of violent crime in NYC was reported for an entire day. The first time in basically ever.

There’s nothing worse than giving your girlfriends advice, then when it comes time that you’re in the same situation you can’t take that same advice you gave