Only in the Bronx does “God Bless you” have no holy or positive connotation
Please stop making comments about my hair
Stop asking me to wear my hair in an afro. One does not simply “wear their hair in an Afro.” It takes time, effort, and for me to not have a perm.
Stop trying to compare hair types; just because you have curly hair doesn’t mean we’re the same.
I know that when you brush out your hair it gets big and that makes you think we’re the same, and I know you think it’s cool that you use ‘black girl shampoo.’
But guess what? It’s not. Do you have any idea how excited I was when that little section came to CVS? Too excited. Imagine my disappointment when I saw that the products they had only took up two shelves and cost approximately $30 for two tablespoons. If people had any idea how much time and money I spend on my hair they would be appalled.
Anyways, these products are expensive and hard to come by, so stop pretending we have the same type of hair, because we don’t. There are a limited number of products on that CVS shelf that I ACTUALLY need….so hands off.
I know you think it’s cool that my hair grows out rather than down, but I don’t. I actually pay money (and lots of it) so it doesn’t grow out. Now let’s not get it twisted; this is not because I’m denying my African roots or that I don’t think afros are beautiful – because I do, I think they’re gorgeous. However, I am not one to wear one. I’m lazy, I’m impatient and I barely have the energy to brush my hair before I go out Saturday night so no, I will not be spending hours tending to my fro, and stop asking me about it.
Oh and now that were on the subject….
Don’t touch my hair.
I’ve always hated the phrase “Have you guys seen that one video on YouTube?” I have never seen that “one video” they were talking about. I was always so against YouTube and it’s never ending supply of cat videos. However, when you’re unemployed and your bedtime slowly creeps closer and closer to sunrise, you have to find a way to entertain yourself, and, that way is YouTube. Only on YouTube can you go from watching a montage of Blake Griffin dunk videos, to a Jimmy Fallon skit, to a Breakfast club interview of ASAP Rocky. You know that column on the right hand side of the screen? Don’t look at it because before you know it, it’ll be 3 a.m. and you’ll be watching a video of a squirrel eating a lemon.
Just in case you’re interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlD2X0kYkxo
NO you may not touch my hair, I am not an exotic animal at the zoo
#black girl problems
Review: Lil Wayne
Review: Lil Wayne
Call him Wayne, Weezy, Tunechi, or Lil Wayne, Dwayne Micheal Carter Jr. is the greatest rapper alive and my personal favorite. There are many reasons why he is the absolute best.
He has an auto-tune sound without using auto-tune. Thanks to year of drinking sizzurp, Wayne’s voice has taken on an almost mechanical sound, quite soothing to an avid Weezy fan like myself. Take a listen to “30 minutes to New Orleans”. “Cascades”, or “Demolition Freestyle Part 1” and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
He’s actually a comedian. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-idSGIHNKJ4
His lyrics are out of this world, whimsical and non-nonsensical. He’s said it many times, even naming two of his albums, “I am not a human being”. He is not of this world, and his lyrics prove just that. Lets take a look at a few of my favorites.
Lost: By Gorilla Zoe ft. Lil Wayne
“Imma need counseling, I lost my mind and still haven’t found it, I used to be so well-rounded. But now I tiptoe on hell’s boundaries. F-F-F Baby aka Crazy, trapped in a maze therefore I am amazing”
Yes. you are amazing.
6 Foot, 7 Foot: Lil Wayne
“Real G’s move in silence like lasagna… Women of my dream, I don’t sleep so I can’t find her”
Get it? the g in lasagna is silent!, so clever.
Ain’t I: Jae Milz ft. Lil Wayne
“I’ll put you where the fishes sleep and when they wake you’ll be the fishes feast”
whoo, scary Wayne, very scary.
La La: Lil Wayne ft. Busta Ryhmes, Brisco
” See ya’llare at ground, and my daughter is my sky. I swear I look in her face and I just want to break out and fly. Four tears in my face and you ain’t never heard me cry, I’m richer than all ya’ll I got a bank full of pride”
Tricky tricky wayne. Very tricky.
I honestly could go on about how awesome he is and how clever he lyrics are but instead I will be dedicating Wednesdays to his lyrical genius.
Welcome to Wayne Wednesday’s.
In addition to its rule on giving up seats to the elderly, the MTA should require that anyone who takes up two seats must stand
Review: Work attire
When I was younger, I thought dressing like an adult meant dressing like one of the girls from Sex and the City, imagine my surprise when I discovered this what not the case. One thing a lot of graduates struggle with is wardrobe transitioning from college to real world. Neon bandeaus and leather jeggings are not appropriate for real life, and no 5-inch heels are not business casual. It’s a shock to the system and there will be times when you will slip up and forget that you’re at a 9-5 and not your 3 p.m. math class. There will be times when you try to pair your thigh high heels with a blazer, and attempt to rock a sheer blouse with some business pumps, but as time goes on you will learn.
“It’s such a waste of a day”
-Said by an employee in reference to my job
Review: Soap Opera
I don’t know about you, but I would love nothing more than to have a camera follow me at all times, taking pictures of funny moments of me with my dog, all to the accompaniment of an emotional soundtrack playing in the background and obviously a wind machine.
This is why I love soap operas.
Now before you judge, have you ever watched a soap opera? No? Then please do so right now. You’ll find that they are the epitome of your every fantasy.
Too many hot guys in town? Don’t worry, you’ll probably get a chance to be married to and/or date all of them at some point.
Don’t have a job? No problem, your boyfriend probably has a family mansion you can live in, free of charge, plus you’re way too busy stirring up drama to work anyway
Have a job? That’s fine, you’ll work maybe one or two hours a week, and no one will care anyway because they’re too caught up in their own drama, usually marrying their ex-fiancé’s son for revenge against their family
Worried about running into one of your exes? Not a problem! Your makeup is always done, your wardrobe is on point, and if all else fails the lighting is always dim so you always look fantastic.
Are you a teenager? You definitely won’t be going to school. You’ll be too busy trying to marry your ex-con boyfriend and dealing with your baby daddy and his boyfriend.
Soap operas are the only place where people never eat, never sleep, and are constantly meeting in the town square to discuss drama.
If you get pregnant April 1st you’ll be giving birth by May 15th. It’s the only place where a Russian man, can have both a British son and an American daughter, who all live in a mansion together with their significant others; where a women can successfully be engaged to both a father and a son; and where someone can kill a man, have their father take the blame, and conveniently avoid jail time.
A soap opera is a mighty fine place to be.
Only in the Bronx can you go to Wendy’s and find a new mother, with her three day old baby, eating a cheeseburger on the condiments counter