A Word on….

Trauma.

There are typically two types of trauma we speak of in the therapy world, big T and little t trauma (although people have debates on this language).

When we think of trauma we think of it in two categories (this is a little old school but alas, it’s what we’re taught).

  • Big life events, ie. car crash, a natural disaster, war, an accident, a violent event etc
  • Long term low level stressful happenings; ie. living in poverty and not knowing where your next meal will come from, existing as a minority having racist things said to you, being followed around a store, getting bullied in school and not having any friends.

Both are bad, both affect people, both have long lasting harmful effects. One can be commonly diagnosed as PTSD (what war veterans are typically diagnosed with). When you are diagnosed with PTSD it means that you life, or bodily integrity was threatened. It means that you could’ve died, perhaps you were close to dying or almost died. Additionally it means that your life moving forward has been affected, so maybe you have nightmares about the event, maybe you avoid certain situations that remind you of the event, maybe you were never the same. For example, I was scrolling on instagram the other day and saw this girls profile who survived the White Island Volcano blast – I got lost in a rabbit hole. Its fascinating and I won’t go into it but trust me it’s crazy. Anyways, this girl was on a family vacation, this volcano basically erupted and she got burns on over 75% of her body, her dad and sister died and she had to wear a compression garment for 2 years. She has nightmares, her life will never be the same, flashbacks etc. This girl, has PTSD. Her life was threatening, she is not functioning the same as she used to and it was one major event (rather than many smaller ones). I’m really breaking this down for succinctness and clarity (trust me we spent 2, 3 hour classes talking about this) but I hope everyone gets the point.

CPTSD – so this is a newer thing and honestly we haven’t really covered it in school/it’s not officially in the DSM-V (the holy grail of therapy) but like all things mental health there are always new diagnosis being added and taken away so keep a look out for this one esepcially after COVID. But CPTSD would be classified as a little t trauma – lower level, non-threats to your life, but constant and this is the key. So imagine you go to school and every week the school bully does something to you, pushes you down the stairs, steals your library book, makes fun of your clothes in front of other people (yes these are things that have happened to me) for a year. Then you go to high school and for four years every year don’t get asked to a school dance, when all your friends do, don’t get asked on dates, when everyone else does, get told you’re not beautiful, get made fun of for your hair, your clothes, the way you talk, everything (these are a mix of examples). So you can obviously see how being subject to his kind of stuff for 4-7 years could be harmful and while your life wasn’t threatened you definitely when through some turmoil and there’s no way you weren’t affected. Additionally you might still suffer some of the same side effects of PTSD like:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Isolation
  • Sleep disturbance
  • Might turn to substances to cope
  • Shame/guilt/emotional disregulation

So, I hope you guys get the point, but essentially there are two types of trauma, both are bad, in one type your life is threatened, in the other it’s not. However, it doesn’t discount one or the other and both are issues that therapy can help with!

As always comment if you want more deets or info. I hope you guys like the new content 🙂

The Update

COVID happened, I lost my job and decided to take a pivot so here I am, 2 years into a 3 year Master of Social Work program, ready to embark on a new career as a therapist.

With that being said the blog will take a pivot, a small one but a pivot nonetheless.

  • Mental Health – in the form of my ramblings, cool things I’ve learned in sessions, class, from my supervisor or my grad school friends
  • Self Care (mostly in the form of images…nothings changed here)
  • Tips & Tricks – small and noticeable things you can do to calm yourself (btw I hate journaling, meditation and working out so these will be real things you can do)
  • And of course, the stories everyone has come to know and love, but with a twist!

I decided to keep the name the same because let’s be real, life is a struggle..and even more so in the past 2 years. I haven’t met a single person who is just thriving, and hasn’t been in some form of survival mode. The domain, shameless tales, because if you haven’t read anything on shame and the surrounding conversations with shame, then take a moment, watching some Brene Brown and sit with it. We should live our lives with less, without shame and aware of how it effects us all.

Anyways

Let’s see how this next adventure goes and thanks for tuning in!

Quarantine show round up – Sailor Moon

“Fighting evil by moonlight, winning love by daylight, never running from a real fight, she is the one named Sailor Moon”

If you don’t like anime and aren’t in touch with your inner child then you can stop reading right now because this post is all about the the award winning (I don’t think it’s won any awards) children’s (its not just for kids) anime show Sailor Moon. Based off a wildly popular and successful manga Sailor Moon is about Usagi – a 16 year old teenage girl who is essentially a mess. She’s always eating, always sleeping and constantly doing bad/or late for school.. sounds like me now if school was work.

I am getting excited and I’ve barely even written anything so I’ll try and keep this short. The Sailor Scouts led by Sailor Moon are essentially guardians of the universe, each planet has it representation with Sailor Moon being the leader. They each have a different power based more or less on what you would think of the plants, so Sailor Mars is fire, Jupiter is lighting, Mercury is bubbles, Venus is some “Venus Blast” (whatever that is) and later on Uranus and Saturn come in. Queen Serenity is Sailor Moons mother and they all used to live on the moon kingdom together until some evil force destroyed them. Luna and Artemis are the two talking cat guardians of the Sailor Scouts and live on Earth with them.

NOW BEFORE YOU START JUDGING ME FOR GOING SO HARD ON THIS CARTOON JUST REMEMBER THIS WAS WAS FAVORITE SHOW GROWING UP AND WE’RE IN REALLY TOUGH TIMES RIGHT NOW SO I NEED SOMETHING TO SMILE ABOUT.

Download Tears of Joy Emoji | Emoji Island

Anyways, each season there’s a new challenge of monsters that they have to defeat, usually each season culminates with a movie (yes I have them on VHS). I also own Sailor moon socks, a keychain and have dressed up an undisclosed amount of times as Sailor Moon. At risk of going on and sounding like a total freak just watch it. Start with season 1, it’s on Hulu and you’re welcome for the joy that’s this will bring you.

VIZ | The Official Website for Sailor Moon

Quarantine show round up – Married at First Sight

So if you’re unaware what this show is about, try reading and re-reading the title of this post again. Lifetime has really made the jump from overly dramatic movies with titles such as “Death of a Cheerleader, “Escaping my stalker” and “Burning Bed” (a classic) to dramatic TV Shows. The basic premise of the show is that a team of ‘experts’ – not sure why I put that in quotes because they really are professionals go through a pool of men and women and put together 4 to 5 couples. The only thing they know about their spouse is their ring size and the first time they actually lay eyes on them is when they are walking down the aisle.

After they get married they have like one or two days, then they go on their honeymoon (usually in Mexico), the other couples are also there and they sometimes get together for little activities and whatnot. When they come home they immediately move into a neutral space (this is a newt thing, they used to decide who’s house they wanted to move into OR got the decision to move into a neutral space). The experts will sprinkle in little challenges throughout their time together ie. host a dinner with friends and family, a love or sex game, go to the other person house and go through their stuff, etc. Its cure and very curated to foster love ❤

Yes this sounds crazy and personally I would not do this HOWEVER, it makes for fucking great TV. A good amount of the couples are veeerrrryyyy well matched. For example (I don’t know the season numbers) but there was a couple in Washington, DC who was super awkward and weird and they were perfect for each other, there was one in Charlotte that was amazing Deonna and Greg I think their names were? they’re having a child now. I’m currently watching New Orleans and although I’m only a few episodes there’s two couples who I think are very solid. Bennet and Olivia and Woody and his wife (I truly can’t remember her name)**. I LOVE the diversity they have on the show and by diversity I mean a good mix of black and white couples, I’d still like to see some other ethnicities represented but they have at least come this far. I got my parents into the Washington, DC season while I was home and let me just say my mom and I would get chastised for for watching without him.

The experts, pictured below, are the ones that match up the couples, and help council them throughout the process.

Married at First Sight' replaces Jessica Griffin for new season

Dr. Pepper is the little one, Pastor Cal who is my fucking favorite (also a fan and show favorite, legit the couples get so excited to see him) and I think the brunette one is Jessica*** but I also can’t remember.

Anyways I give this show a 10/10, I’m actually watching right now, it’s an awesome way to unwind and I’ve turned on many a friend to this vibe. Plus each season has like a million episodes so you’ll be occupied throughout the rest of quarantine.

** It’s Amani I just looked it up

***Dr. Viviane Cortes it just flashed on the screen

Quarantine Show Round-Up – Love Island UK

Yes, this is ONLY for the UK version because I’ve heard the USA version is trash.

For those of you who’ve already tuned in you all know Season 3 is superior to all the others. Chris and Liv, Montana is a gem, Kem is hilarious, Marcel and Gaby and our precious Cam. I dream in British, I’ve started saying crack on, muggy, fancy, and my type ‘on paper’ just to name a few.

So for those of you who don’t have access to basic British television or Hulu plus? (whatever the premium version of Hulu is you are seriously missing out. This show is like a “Too Hot too Handle” original with full blown sex and 50 episodes. I’d describe it as a cross between Married at First Sight, 90 Day Fiancé. Essentially a bunch of “attractive by British standards” people, they are forced to couple up on first sight and for the next 50ish days? people come in and out of the villa, couple up, there are challenges, the public votes and the winner gets 50,000 pounds.

Some of the challenges include: Covering your partner in lipstick kisses, seeing if you and your partner can eat a hotdog at the same time, making cocktails by passing liquid through each others mouths, you know… wholesome things like that.

I will say the narrator is literally the funniest, the comments he makes on the show and the people are fucking hilarious, the producers are genius, the way they piece together the show and manage to make an hour long episode out of one day at the villa. *chefs kiss*. Like they’ve managed to make an entire show with a group of people who sit around, chat, drink and play random games all day is astonishing. Not to mention they are in swimsuits all day (hello yeast infection), get into full glam every night, have no TV, no cellphones, no contact with the outside world whatsoever!?

Just watch it, trust me. It’s quality TV.